ugh i love her so much
This is a poem I wrote about my friend John who died from a heroin overdose 3 months ago. I’ve never put more emotion into a poem. Enjoy.
if i knew that you needed help i wouldn’t have put you on a shelf.
no one told me the struggles you were going through,
it kills me to know that there is nothing i can do
it really is true, that the happiest people suffer in silence
but over time, feelings build up inside and turn into violence.
i had my own problems to face, i had places to go,
if i had paid more attention or if i had known,
i would’ve ran, i would’ve left, i would’ve kept
that damn thing out of your arm so it could do you no harm
i would’ve pulled it right out of your forearm, john.
i would’ve helped you if i knew what you were going through
i would’ve broken that thing in two before it killed you.
it’s too late, there’s nothing i can do or say to bring you back
i slept, i sat, i was stuck in the darkness, so black,
and i will never, ever stop thinking about that.
your mind was clouded with thoughts,
your arms covered in tracks and dots,
you aren’t a train, yet you put that needle into your veins
you were tied to the tracks, but when it hit you, you felt no pain.
inside your beautiful mind, you thought you were insane
but to tell you the truth john, we all are a little crazy in the brain.
the train was coming, didn’t you hear it whistle?
you had a second to spare, but you just laid there.
the pain was too much for you to bare, you didn’t care anymore
you tried to loosen it’s grasp, but you stopped and thought, what for?
you were tied up too tight onto that cold, metal railroad
and i wish you cared enough about yourself to just let go.
you closed up shop and gave into your thoughts,
you didn’t believe in you john, but you could’ve stopped
your life was worth way more than one last shot.
you slept, you sat, you were stuck in the darkness, so black,
a foundation of friends, so concrete, now, with just one crack.
playin video gamesssss <3 love lana